HOW THE PRINCE BECAME A PAUPER by Steve Straub
The following is a true account of what happened that fateful day when animal enforcers descended on this mixed animal farm in the alleged pursuit of animal welfare. Read on to see what can happen to you if by chance, you have a dirty bird cage! The ever-present fear that these enforcers would return, Steve wrote his story which appeared in the 2011 issue of the Landowner Magazine in a story format. All true.
Once upon a time not very long ago, or far away, in an enchanted land called Ontario resided a humble self-professed prince (Steve) and his beloved menagerie of animals. The good prince resided in a humble brick palace along with his elderly parents and all was well in the kingdom. For well over three decades the prince’s animals which consisted of asses, ponies, pigeons and a veritable cornucopia of furred and feathered creatures thrived under the prince’s loving care.
One dreaded day, two dark uniformed charitable enforcers entrusted with policing animal cruelty legislation magically appeared with an anonymous complaint that one of the royal asses was allegedly in distress suffering with vastly over-grown hooves. The prince, shocked by this allegation, promptly told the dark enforcers to vanish and kindly return with the complainant’s name as he didn’t address anonymous complaints in his kingdom.
Being a poor, frugal prince, it was mandated he rise at dawn with the cock’s crow, feed his dependants and leave for a hard day’s toil in the tobacco fields. The hard earned funds were needed to care for his many dependants. It was on just such a morn, armed with a warrant, that the dark enforcers, bolstered by OPP recruits, stormed the ramparts and gained access to the castle and the heart of the estate.
Unfortunately, the prince’s father (John) was the sole occupant and the old man bore the whole brunt of the raid, both physically and emotionally. What was once sacred ground was now tainted with hostile invaders implementing their sordid mandate. The old man, scared and confused by the onslaught, remained valiant but was vastly outnumbered by the well fortified raiding party hell bent to justify their actions. During the initial melee, the old man insisted to the end that he was placed in an excruciating submission hold and carelessly thrown against a vehicle. This damning assertion would later be frighteningly substantiated by the dark agent while under sworn oath.
Amidst the chaos and confusion, the old man managed to elude his captors and seek sanctuary and solitude at a distant knight’s estate. Incredulous to what he had been told, the good knight set out on a quest to alert the prince who was totally oblivious to the carnage sadly occurring at the palace.
Upon return to his home, the prince was twice needlessly thrown to the ground and twice handcuffed and restrained in an OPP chariot. He had become an unwelcomed foe on his own land and was considered a mere obstacle to be silenced by the plunderers. All rights on his land had now apparently been declared null and void, anarchy ruled. Another gallant neighbouring knight had been observing the senseless onslaught with his family, and sickened by the antics, arrived and openly expressed his outrage and displeasure to the dark enforcers. The prince was eventually released from the OPP chariot and restricted solely to the castle with his elderly father. Both were in shock and completely dumbfounded by what was transpiring. How could such chaos be occurring?
The prince immediately contacted a reporter to cover the sordid story which was sadly unfolding. Upon arrival, the good reporter was restricted from taking close shots of the beasts under threat of arrest. The prince had nothing to hide but the truth. Why were these photos not allowed to be taken? The dark Inspector feared a riot and didn’t wish a media circus to ensue as more and more kingdom residents became aware of the raid. She would shrewdly wait until all animals were in her control to begin the media storm.
All asses and ponies were eventually “seized,” after being chased for several hours. A large number of birds and animals, eighty-seven in total, were also “seized.” The prince and his family were devastated and virtually destroyed with anguish. Never in their wildest nightmares could they believe a public charity could implement these far-reaching actions.
Through various contacts the prince was made aware of an ancient Madame who chaired an Animal Care Review Board which could return the animals solely on the flip of her powerful wand. The prince went through the motions and scheduled an audience before the ancient Madame and her protégé to present the facts. Surely truth and honesty would prevail and his beloved animals would be returned.
Eventually, alone, the prince set out on an odyssey to the Animal Care Review Board and its ancient Madame. His odyssey ended at a distant Inn guarded by a sole warrior of the OPP. During the proceedings the prince met a former horse judge currently recuperating from a brain aneurysm and on disability as he was unable to work with this malady. It was this man who was entrusted with care of all asses and ponies. Ironically, he also relayed body scores of all beasts to the chair even though he possessed no Doctor of Veterinary credentials. Suffering from the aneurysm and having all this strength and clout, the prince speculated he was not a mere mortal but a supreme being. Incidentally, he also named all ponies and asses as it was an important part of the socialization process. The prince sensed there was not intent here of ever returning anything. During the cross-examination, the former horse judge also candidly declared that he had “no” experience with asses yet kindly relayed body scores and personal anecdotes. All this was considered credible and righteous by the ancient chair.
A farrier, also employed by the dark enforcers, openly testified that he charges $15.00 per animal for hoof trimming. He stated he charged this reduced rate as a favour to the “society.” The prince found this token admirable and perhaps to dark enforcers would employ his services on a regular basis. Under cross examination he also indicated the hooves were not in need of immediate care. What the ancient Madame inferred from this revelation is up for speculation as she acted as judge and transcriptionist.
During the first day of ACRB proceedings, the prince’s elderly ‘distressed’ father was hospitalized in an intensive care unit suffering with a massive life-threatening heart attack. The prince would only learn of this tragic event upon return to the castle that evening.
On the morn of the second day, the prince presented a signed letter from the heart specialist alerting the panel to the old man’s grave condition. When the dark enforcers and their legal representative read the revelation, they openly laughed and chastised the authenticity of the letter. It was at this sordid point the prince knew the dark enforcers had no kindness or compassion in their vast arsenal. They had one objective and it was to inflict as much pain and revenge as legally possible and prove their efforts warranted.
Prosecution hammered at such onerous and astounding events as –why the asses and ponies weren’t ‘harnessed’ while on pasture? The prince inferred she meant ‘haltered’ and corrected the serious faux pas. To his limited knowledge, it was not an offence in the land to not have an ass or pony haltered while on pasture. They also went on about lack of lighting and windows in the castle which was totally fabricated by them and completely untrue. The ultimate admission of guilt occurred when the prince questioned the dark agent, while under oath, regarding the submission hold and needless throwing of his seventy-three year old father against a vehicle. The dark agent, after some hesitation, openly substantiated everything the old man had alleged from inception. All was witnessed by an OPP guard employed by the crown. He remained dumb and totally inactive through the entire revelation. Just who was he protecting through these unbiased proceedings? The ancient Madame relayed she would not transcribe any of this sworn testimony as it was an issue for another court of law. The prince, shocked and speechless, knew he would not be dealt with fairly in these biased one-sided proceedings. Truth bore no offspring at these proceedings. The prince hammered about removal of other property such as cages which the ancient Madame verbally ordered the dark Inspector to return. This token act has never ever been accomplished.
An order during the initial raid demanded immediate medical attention for an aged lop rabbit with an ‘alleged’ tumour. Much to his better judgement, the rabbit was taken the next day to a distant accredited Doctor of Veterinary Medicine. A veterinarian letter was presented mentioning NO tumour, and the possibility of pregnancy. The ancient Madame would not accept this evidence as the good doctor did not place the letters DVM behind his authentic signature. The entire proceedings had become a legal circus.
The ancient Madame would deliver her decision by courier several days later. She ruled the actions of the dark enforcers righteous and mandated the prince pay an exorbitant sum to have his property returned. Numerous other dictates such as building new barns were also graciously included in her final decision. This decision would not end the attacks upon the good prince.
Several months later, the dark enforcers returned armed with another search warrant and four OPP. However, the atmosphere and actions by the OPP were totally contrary to those of the first raiding party. These officers acted in credible fashion and showed no bias to either faction. The prince sensed their helplessness as they were powerless to intervene. Perhaps they knew deep within what was occurring was not morally right.
During this episode, ‘Muffy’ the famous lop rabbit was seized by the dark Inspector. Days later the prince would receive correspondence indicating her return if the dark agent received a sum of money. Charges stemmed around dark Inspector and agents time and boarding fees. The prince would not be intimidated and refused to pay this sum which he interpreted as a form of ransom.
Six months to the day of the first raid, the prince was served with 19 criminal charges. Legal council was duly enlisted and many court appearances followed, all financed by the prince’s shrinking coffers. Eventually the prince was given the ultimatum of battling all 19 counts, serving a possible jail sentence and a total prohibition of owning animals. The prince did not accept this scenario and plead guilty to one count of having a dirty bird cage. He received a very minor fine and a year’s probation. It was the best scenario given all options and possible outcomes.
However, the attacks continued mercilessly. The prince and his elderly father were jointly named in a Statement of Claim for $168,746.86 to cover the costs incurred by the dark enforcers. Letters wanting to reach an amicable settlement arrived regularly. The prince remained adamant he would not negotiate with ‘criminals.’ Eventually, represented by an attorney, the civil suit was held in a distant part of the kingdom.
At the trial, the prince was reassured and relieved to see many notable members of the Order of the Landowners in attendance. Among notables present were King of the Landowners, Knight of the Wolvers, the one-armed Sherriff, the Knight of the Limping Boar, Peter the Great, Lord Niagara, and last but not least, the Highland Maiden destined to become Queen of the Landowners. All above had suffered needlessly under the dark enforcers reign and were sickened by what was occurring across the kingdom. In a show of solidarity, a media blitz was held decrying what was occurring across the kingdom. All were incredulous by revelations uncovered during the trial. Seventeen healthy ferrets were murdered by the dark Inspector. She portrayed this action as acceptable as she deemed the poor creatures “unsocialized.” They were in her care for four long months when the carnage began. Cost of care for these creatures was a mere $56,346.26. Two finches were also taken and $3270.00 was demanded. Four cockatiels reached absurd costs of $3,825. Twelve budgies accrued unbelievable costs of $12,975. Two doves tallied $210.00. And the beloved asses and ponies accrued the sum of $57,960. Ironically, all creatures were adopted out for a mere $1763.40. The exorbitant fees for three feline hysterectomies were also included yet no felines were seized from the estate.
The dark Inspector openly testified that she had no animal training, only that of law enforcement. It was also learned that the dark Inspector could not ascertain that ‘Muffy’ the rabbit even possessed the ‘alleged’ tumour.
A kindly neighbouring knight testified on behalf of the good prince. He proclaimed the prince’s love and care of his animals.
Several creatures were omitted from the final Statement of Claim. The dark Inspector insisted it was a clerical error. After insistence by the prince’s attorney, it was shockingly revealed one of the dark agents took the creatures home. Was this all acceptable practice by a charitable agency entrusted with enforcing laws of the land?
The good judge would rule by “summer.” In his final summation, he ordered inspectors time be paid, contrary to what was said during court. Neither prince nor enforcer would be awarded court costs, yet the Prince was also not mandated to pay the $168,746.86, as demanded by the dark enforcers.
A Statement of Claim was also filed with the OPP regarding injury incurred by the elderly prince’s father. The OPP denied all allegations and insisted they acted in good faith, contrary to what was revealed under oath by the dark agent.
All aspects of this action cost the prince around $30,000 of his life savings. Was the entire process worth the amount in the humble prince’s estimation? “NO.” Was justice finally served? A humble, “NO.”
Since the initial heart attack, the prince’s father has suffered two life altering strokes. He now resides in a chronic care unit a mere shell of the man he was in 2006. When the dark enforcers or animals are mentioned, tears actively stream from his frail and victimized body. This was not how he envisioned spending his golden years.
However, all is not lost. In the dark stillness, peasant and kings alike polish armour and openly discuss tactics in which to slay the darkness and return what was good to the kingdom.
Through the silence, the haunting lament of a lone piper breaks the evening calm. The lament reveals fear and pain as he too has suffered under the dark enforcers’ grips. His song would persevere at all costs and all would be informed of the actions occurring across the land.
Steve’s father John, recently passed away at 91 on November 9, 2024 and Steve says that the horrific events that fateful day when animal enforcers raided their farm, forever changed him. Steve has given the landowners and the Landowner Magazine credit for all the help they received from the Ontario Landowners while he went through his court ordeals. He has been extremely grateful to our group for highlighting this abuse of power and for getting the word out to people.
The Straub family has requested at the funeral that instead of flowers people can donate to the Ontario Landowners Association. We thank Steve, his family and all those who have donated and continue to donate. We sincerely appreciate that recognition.
John Straub’s obituary can be found here https://www.echovita.com/ca/obituaries/on/vienna/john-straub-18862611.